CHAPTER 9: FRIENDS, LOVERS AND FAMILIES -Part 1

~FRIENDSHIPS~

Source:http://www.imagesquote.com/quotes/friendship/

In our life, we meet many people whom we regard as our friend. However, most of them are just Hello and Bye friends. True friendship is not easy to find but when you do find one, it is difficult to let them go when the time comes. So, what is friendship? 

Friendship is actually an interpersonal relationship between two people. It is also mutually productive and once destructiveness enters into it, a friendship will no longer exist. Besides that, friendships are characterized by mutual positive regard whereby we like our friend and our friend likes us. Trust, emotional support and sharing interests are three major characteristics of friends.

Friendships differ from one another and there are 3 types of friendship. First is the friendship of reciprocity. This is the ideal type of friendship as it involves loyalty, self-sacrifice, mutual affection and generosity. It is based on equality-both sides give and receive the same amount of rewards and benefits in their relationship. 

Next, there is friendship of receptivity. In this type of friendship, one is the primary giver while the other is the primary receiver. This causes and imbalance in giving and receiving. Examples of this kind of friendship are between teacher and student or maybe between a doctor and patient.

 Lastly is the friendship of association whereby it is a friendly relationship rather than true friendship. There is no great loyalty, no great trust and no great giving and receiving involved. We usually have this type of friendship with our co-workers, classmates and neighbours.

Source: http://www.quotesdump.com/friends-give-us-security-

friendship-quote/friends-give-us-security-friendship-quote-2/

Now, we know that there are three different types of friendship. But, why do we seek for friendship? What are the qualities we are looking for in someone to create a connection of friendship with him or her? Below are some of the most popular needs served by friendship:

The Needs	Explanation
Utility	©      At times, we need someone who may have special talent, skills or resources that would help us to achieve our specific goals and needs.       ©      Example: Our friend who is good in studies would help us with the subjects that we are weak.
Affirmation	©      We need someone to appreciate and recognize our personal value and attributes.
Ego support	©      We have a need for someone who would act as a supporter, encourager.
Stimulation	©      Friendships help us to satisfy our need for stimulation by introducing us new ideas and showing us a different perspective of the world.
Security	©      We have a need for a friend that does nothing to hurt us.      ©      They do not emphasize or pay attention to or weakness.

Those are the five main reasons on our friendship needs. Next, let us move on to the development stages of friendship. There are three main friendship development stages. The first stage of friendship is CONTACT AND ACQUAINTANCESHIP. In this stage, we form impressions and it is vital to stay open and welcome the presence of our new acquaintance.

CASUAL FRIENDSHIP is the second stage of friendship development. Dyadic consciousness that is a sense of togetherness is involved. We do things together as a unit rather than as separate individuals. For instance, we go to school and have lunch together.

The last stage of friendship development is CLOSE AND INTIMATE FRIENDSHIP. This is the most intimate form of togetherness. We see our friend and ourselves as an exclusive unit. At this point, we know each other well. We would also view this friend as an important one in our life.

 That is how our friendship develops over time. Despite of those development stages, there are times certain factors influences our friendship and the way we view a friendship. First is the culture and friendships. In one way or another, culture brings a different meaning to friendships and relationships. For instance, for collective society they have a mindset that the more friends you have, the better it would be but for individualist society, the think that more friends would only result in a low chance of getting a promotion in their workplace. Besides that, for people with high ambiguity, presence of friends are usually accepted and welcomed while for people with low ambiguity, they would wonder why should they hang out would people whom they do not know.

 Secondly is gender and friendships. Both female and male view friendships and relationships differently. So, how do they view their friendships and relationships? Men are usually keener to develop more acquaintances but not true friends. On the other hand, women are more able to keep and maintain close friends around them. However, women have a higher tendency to get jealous. Apart from that, men would self-disclose themselves less due to their ego.

           

 Lastly, there is technology and friendships. The constant development of technology has led to a great impact on relationships including friendships. Thus, we can say that the improvement and usage of technology in our lives has weakened the true meaning of friendship. In the olden times, we could count the number of friends we have with our fingers. It is considered meaningful if we have 10 friends whom we can keep in touch. Nowadays, we have thousands of friends in social networks like Facebook but we only keep in a touch with a few of them of a regular basis. Take a moment and think for yourself, “Is the kind of friendship that you want?” Remember, quality is always better than quantity. There is no use having so many friends but they would not stand up for you in your time of need.